DEDICATION:To the memory of Matthew Shepard and to all men, women and children, worldwide, who have been murdered for being what they were born to be.
AUTHOR'S NOTE:I was inspired to write this by the outpouring of emotion on UCSL yesterday. Although there is humor in this piece, there is also a lot to think about (I hope). I don't mean any disrespect by writing this story and I hope no one takes exception to it.
SETTING: This is set several months in the future in TEAOW&S, but the events in this story will not happen in the main timeline (does that make sense?) This is an offshoot, an alternative reality...
October 16, 1998
Buffy slipped silently into the Library after school and sat down at the table across from Giles who was staring blankly at the newspaper spread before him. On it was a red rose.
Finally Giles looked up and Buffy was shocked at the ice in his eyes.
Taking a deep breath, Buffy hesitantly launched into her semi-rehearsed speech. "Um, I'd like the night off from slaying, if that's okay, 'cause I...I don't want to kill anyone...not tonight."
Giles picked up the rose and brought it to his nose, inhaling deeply. Then he slammed his arm across the table, sending the newspaper flying.
Buffy scrambled out of her chair, frightened of the fury on her Watcher's face. "Um, Giles?"
When he finally spoke, his voice was harsh with anger. "We spend our lives fighting the forces of darkness, destroying inhuman evil, saving the world. For what? For pieces of shit like this?" He gestured wildly towards the paper.
Going into shock at the use of the word 'shit' by her usually quiet and unassuming Watcher, Buffy just stared, then glanced at the article remaining on the table.
"Um...which piece of shit?"
His sarcasm, not aimed at her she knew, nevertheless slammed into her. "This supposed holy man from Kansas. Fred Phelps and his flock from the Westboro Baptist Church." Balling up the article, Giles flung it across the room. "To say that the poor boy deserved to be beaten to death..." Giles began to gasp for breath and slumped back into his chair, still clutching the rose.
"It's not right, Buffy," he whispered. "Not right to save the world from vampires and the like only to have such human demons thrive."
Circling the table, Buffy carefully sat down next to Giles, wondering at the fury in him, the barely contained hint of 'Ripper'. Taking his hand, she caressed his fingers gently.
"He has the right to say what he wants to. Just as we have the right to disagree," she said softly. "Tonight...I want to go to the tribute for that boy. I don't want to slay, not on the day he was buried."
Slowly Giles nodded. "Yes...yes, go with your friends."
"And you? Will you come too?"
Giles stared at the rose and set it carefully on the table, pulling his hand from Buffy's. "I have been asked," he said slowly.
Buffy looked at the rose, then realized who must have sent it. "Oh, by Ms. Calendar?"
"No."
"An old girlfriend?" she asked, a little amazed that her Watcher might have had a life before her.
"No...an old boyfriend."
*****
*Sit with me through the night
Tell me it's all right to fall apart with you
'Cause I'm so tired and I'm so scared
I'm so sad about the world tonight
Sometimes I feel I can't defend myself, my love or my light
The thought of surviving, just makes me want to die
Come lay beside me, hold me while I cry*
As soon as school let out, Willow headed for the mansion. She knew it was dangerous, but she also knew that a lot of the vampires believed her to be under Spike's protection. It was really just Drusilla and Angel she had to worry about.
It didn't matter. For days she had been heartsick and he hadn't come to her. So, she'd go to him.
Easily slipping through the garden and into the mansion, she crept towards Spike's ground floor room. Opening the door, she stepped inside and closed it with a soft sigh of relief.
Spike lay under the sheet, naked, asleep. She had finally grown accustomed to the way he looked dead when he slept.
Pulling her sweater over her head and shimmying out of her skirt, she kicked her shoes off and lifted the sheet to slide in next to him.
Curling against his cold body, she rested her head on his shoulder and let the bottled tears fall.
*****
*If your heart always did
what a normal heart should do
If you always play a part
instead of being who you really are
Then you might just miss
the one who's standing there
So instead of passing by
show him that you care
Instead of asking why
Why me? And why you?
Why not we two?*
"It's a good cause."
Xander looked at his girlfriend across the table at the local Dairy Queen and shook his head. "You mean, it's been green lighted by your bitch clique, so it's suddenly okay to be gay."
"They're not my bitch clique...not anymore," Cordelia protested. "Look, I don't care if they're going or not, and I'm fully expecting them to back out at the last second. I want us to go."
"I'm sorry this guy got beat up and killed, but I'm not into rallying for gay people. I don't know any gay people." He quickly qualified that. "Okay, I know one gay person and it freaks me out a bit."
Grabbing her purse, Cordelia rose, glaring at him. "So, you're not going."
"No. And I don't understand why you want to. You don't know any gay people."
"One," Cordelia hissed at him, "you don't have to know any gay people to want to show tribute to all the people who have died for being what they are; and, two, you'd be surprised."
With a swirl of silk, she stormed out of the Dairy Queen, leaving Xander with ice cream dripping off his spoon onto his lap.
*****
*Look around
See how the madness grows
There's so much pain and hate
It's all just fear, I suppose...*
Buffy stared in shock at the side of Giles' head. He refused to look at her, his eyes focused on the rose.
"It was a long time ago in a different world, Buffy," he said slowly.
"You don't need to explain," she choked out. "But, we shouldn't keep secrets from each other. Too many secrets have caused harm already."
"Okay, so...you're gay or bi or were...I can deal."
"I don't think it's something you get over." There was a hint of a smile on Giles' face and he finally looked at her.
Buffy flushed, partly because the thought of Giles having sex with ANYONE was too ooky for words and partly because she was keeping major secrets from him.
Giles continued, "I never faced what that poor boy faced. I never feared for my life...But then, I was never open about it except with close friends."
"Yeah, I understand that."
"I will be going to the tribute with him, as friends, as old lovers. Can you accept that, Buffy?" he asked softly.
"Oh, sure, I have no prob," she said quickly as a part of her wanted to start spilling the beans about her relationship with Angel, her sometimes sex with Spike, her thing with the girls...Oh God...
"I hope this hasn't diminished me in your eyes," Giles began carefully.
Buffy reached out and squeezed his hand. "Nothing could do that," she replied honestly, and then the truth hit her. "Was it Ethan?"
Giles reddened slightly and nodded. "Tonight, we have a truce."
"Okay." She nodded and leaned up to give him a quick kiss on the cheek, then rose to her feet. "I'll see you tonight."
*****
*Here we are, you and I at last
in the right place, at the right time
Every dream I've dreamed has come to pass
'cause you're right here, and you're all mine...*
Willow woke from a sorrow induced nap to find Spike glaring at her. Yawning, she sat up to face him.
"You're insane, luv."
Willow remembered what had driven her to the mansion and she dropped her eyes, blinking away new tears. "I had to see you," she whispered. "I need you to hold me."
Destroyed by the sight of her tears as he always was, Spike sighed and drew her onto his lap, cradling her like a child as he leaned against the headboard.
"What's happened now, Willow?"
"Matthew Shepard," she sobbed.
"Oh...yes...the boy who was killed by homophobic assholes."
"It's not right. He shouldn't have been killed for loving." Her tears dripped onto his shoulder and began to trickle down his chest.
"No, he shouldn't have been, but there's nothing you can do about it, luv. You're too tender hearted."
"There's no such thing," she protested, her tears drying as she raised her head from his shoulder to look at him. Spike just shook his head at her.
"Willow, once you live a bit longer, you'll see that killing is something that is done for many reasons, none of which make sense...including the reason I kill."
"You haven't killed in a week and he was a serial killer," she replied.
He gave her a disgruntled look. "Okay, you're a good influence on me. Can we get back to my point?" She nodded and he continued. "Man's inhumanity to man should never surprise you, Willow."
"I can't be the pessimist you are," she retorted, moving off Spike's lap to wrap the sheet around herself, hiding her pert little breasts from his view.
Sighing, Spike ran his fingers through his short hair and quipped, "I take it a quick fuck is out of the question?"
Willow glared at him and Spike threw his hands up in the air. "What do you want me to do here, Willow? Track down the bastards that killed the boy and drain them? That's about all I can do."
"I want you to...I don't know." Her brow furrowed and she hugged herself. "It's so wrong," she whispered sadly. "He shouldn't have died."
"No, he shouldn't have," Spike agreed gently. "Not that way. And, since I know for a fact that hell exists, we can hope his killers rot there."
"There's a tribute, a rally tonight, for all those who have died from homophobic violence. Will you come with me?"
Their eyes met and Spike melted at the love and sadness in hers. "I'd go to the ends of the Earth, to heaven and hell with you, my love."
Willow slipped back into his arms and hugged him. "I love you too, William."
Spike rolled his eyes at her calling him by his given name, but didn't chide her about it this time. He did have one concern about attending the rally. "What if Angel goes?"
Sighing, Willow held him tighter, caressing the nape of his neck. "I'm so tired of the secrets. Aren't you?"
Thinking about it for a moment, Spike was shocked to find that he agreed with her. "Yes. I am. I no longer care that he's the master now, that he has Dru. You've taken away my need for power...and when I dream...I dream only of you."
The husky tone of his voice sent shivers through her and Willow raised her mouth to his, kissing him tenderly. "Then, we out ourselves tonight?"
"You have more to lose than I, Willow."
"I don't want to hide anymore. I love you, a vampire, a demon, and I don't care who knows."
Spike smiled down into her troubled face, seeing the wistful look in her eyes that always made his dead heart want to race. "Then, yes, we go public. If Angel finds out, we'll deal with him." He kissed her forehead then grinned. "We can always have the Slayer beat the shit out of him."
Willow laughed in relief and a little fear of the future.
*****
*It's a crazy world
We shouldn't have to hide
All love's good and should be welcomed!
So I refuse to lie anymore
Who are they to say?
Who says it's not okay?
Their rules just don't apply
Who are they anyway?
There's more than just one way...*
Buffy knocked on Cordelia's front door and was a little surprised that the cheerleader opened it herself.
"Maid's day off?" Buffy quipped.
"Oh goody, sarcasm." Since Cordelia's voice dripped with it, Buffy closed her mouth and brushed past her friend. "I'm really pissed right now, Buffy." She let the 'and you know what I do when I get pissed' just hang there silently.
"Yeah, I can tell. Too bad I'm not Will." Buffy flashed her a grin, then flipped her skirt before racing up the stairs to Cordelia's bedroom, Cordelia following close behind her. Finding the Slayer lounging on her bed, the brunette dropped down beside her.
"Xander's being a dickhead," she sighed.
"And this is new?"
Cordelia narrowed her eyes and glowered at the grinning blonde. "Are you sure you don't want me to beat your ass?"
"I'm sure. I get enough violence from my insignificant other," she added sourly, propping herself on her side on one hand. "So, what did boy wonderless do this time?"
"He won't go with me to the rally tonight."
Buffy's eyes widened. "You're going?"
Cordelia chose to look indignant. "Yes. Why is this such a shock to everyone?"
"Um...you know, with the things I know about you, it shouldn't be, but you do tend to hide your other life."
"Oh, and you should talk, Ms. 'still banging my psycho ex- boyfriend the demon'."
Buffy sighed. "I'm beginning to think that secrets are a really bad thing."
Sitting up, Cordelia shook her head wildly. "Don't you dare tell anyone what I've been doing with you...and Willow...and Spike...and, Oh God...It's the Hellmouth, isn't it? Makes us unnaturally horny?"
Buffy laughed. "No, I think that's a combo of raging teenage hormones and knowing that we could die any night."
"Oh, that's a cheery thought."
*****
*I don't have no grand plan for you and me
Just nothing is impossible, nothing is unlikely
I'm just riding the tide nothing more
and it's bound to take me out some
before it brings me back to shore*
At sunset, Willow and Spike slipped out of the mansion and headed for the park, holding hands like normal lovers out for an evening stroll.
Usually though one lover wasn't unnaturally pale and the other didn't have a nasty hickey with obvious bite marks on her neck.
"Are you going to cover that, pet?"
Willow brushed her hair away from her neck and resisted the urge to scratch the sore skin. "No."
Spike groaned and muttered under his breath. "Buffy's going to kill me."
Tightening her grip on his hand, Willow pressed herself against his side. "I'll protect you."
"We should have told her a long time ago that I was feeding from you."
"I don't think of it as feeding," Willow replied. "To me, it's as much a part of our lovemaking as the actual act."
Nuzzling her neck, Spike licked at the fang marks, then ran his tongue behind her ear. "It sure sends you into orgasm just the same."
"Spike!" Willow turned red and pulled him down the street.
*****
*You don't have to know
where the path you're on is leading
You just have to walk along
Dreaming as you go
asking for the things you're needing
you never can go wrong
If you have faith that things are
happening as they should
And just believe each step you take
is leading you to something good*
The tribute was being held at the gazebo in the center of the big town park. It was well lit by several flood lights and a band was setting up on the stage. When Buffy and Cordelia arrived, there was already a large gathering. They recognized a few people from school, then saw Ms. Calendar and headed over to her. Spying the two girls, Jenny broke away from a group of women who wore gypsy skirts and pagan jewelry.
"I'm a little surprised to see you two here."
"Why does everyone keep saying that to me?" Cordelia muttered.
Buffy looked up at Jenny then glanced around at the crowd. "People are being murdered all around the world. I can save some of them from monsters and demons, but...I can't save the ones being murdered by humans."
"I'm proud of you both for coming. I'm afraid too many of your fellow students are too embarrassed to be seen here."
"Then they're jerks," Cordelia proclaimed and slipped her hand into Buffy's, making the other girl jump. "This isn't about being gay. It's about...being whatever you want to be and having the right to live."
Jenny glanced down at the clasped hands. "Are you outing yourself tonight, Cordelia?"
The cheerleader nibbled at the lipstick on her lower lip and shook her head. "I don't know," she replied, confused. "I don't know what I am so how can I proclaim it? And...maybe it doesn't matter WHAT I am, as long as I'm happy and not hurting anyone."
Jenny reached out and touched the other brunette's shoulder gently. "Of all of you, you have changed the most, Cordelia, grown the most. Be yourself and be strong. This world isn't going to survive if we continue to let the Fred Phelps of the world rule it."
Both girls nodded, then Buffy eyes widened as she caught a glimpse of a couple entering the crowd. "Oh my God. They're both insane." Jenny and Cordelia turned to look at what was disturbing Buffy.
Spike and Willow were strolling casually through the crowd, holding hands.
"Giles is going to have a fit," Buffy groaned.
"I've been urging her to come out in the open about their relationship. I wonder whose idea it was to come here tonight?" Jenny said.
"How long have YOU known?" Buffy asked.
"A month or so. You do know Willow's been studying magic under my tutelage."
Buffy nodded. "I think she's nuts, but she seems to have a gift and who am I to deny anyone their gift?"
Jenny continued. "There was a spell I wanted her to try which required purity. She had to admit that was long gone and I kind of wormed the truth out of her. They look happy together."
"Oh, they're fucking blissful," Buffy muttered as she pulled away from Cordelia and headed to the couple who were purchasing candles.
"Hi Buffy," Willow said hesitantly.
Grabbing her friend's arm, Buffy dragged her away from the crowd. Spike followed, sticking his hands in his pockets and trying to look nonchalant.
"Are you nuts?" Buffy hissed.
Willow shook her off and wrapped her arm around Spike's waist. "I'm getting kind of tired of you asking me that question."
"What if someone, some vamp sees you."
"Willow's tired of the secrets...and, to tell you the truth, so am I," Spike said.
"If Angel knows you can walk..."
"I can deal with Angel. He's so bloody confused over you, he's been useless for anything else. I don't think he's made a vamp in weeks and half the time Dru has to remind him to feed, and since she only remembers about a quarter of the time..."
"Are you ready to challenge him for leadership?" Buffy asked.
"I don't want the position."
Buffy gave him a disbelieving look and he just shrugged his shoulders. Willow turned her head to smile up at her lover and Buffy gasped. "What is that?" she asked coldly.
Spike groaned and Willow gave Buffy a look. "What's it look like?" she asked her friend.
"A really ugly hickey with fang marks in the middle," Buffy snapped.
"Yep, that's what it is," Willow replied cheerfully and proudly.
Buffy's head swung to Spike, who was trying to blend into the background. "How long have you been feeding on my best friend?" she demanded.
"Um."
"I asked him to do it, Buffy. Deal."
Staring at Willow's resolve face, Buffy gave up with a huge sigh.
"I'm fine, Buffy," Willow said strongly. "C'mon, let's go join Cordy. Oh, look, Xander came."
"Huh?" Buffy looked up to see Xander walking over to Cordelia, eyes fixed on the ground.
*****
*All my life, I've been on a road
going one way, toward one dream
The road would wind, and down it I would go
Always searching, never finding
But even in my darkest hour I always knew
that someday, somehow the road would lead to you...*
"Well, so you decided to show," Cordelia said, crossing her arms over her chest.
"I was a jerk," Xander mumbled under his breath.
"Hm? What? I can't hear you."
His eyes flicked up briefly. "I was a jerk. I'm sorry."
Cordelia pressed herself against him, wrapping her arms around his waist. Surprised, Xander hugged her back. "This isn't about being gay or supporting gay rights, Xander. It's about the fact that a boy a few years older than us was murdered because his murderers saw him as less than human. He didn't deserve to die that way. No one does."
"I know. I'm sorry. I just...I...guess homosexuals kinda freak me out."
"We'll work on that," she said confidently, crossing her fingers behind his back.
*****
*We are women of this world
Sisters of a common spirit
With no apologies for this life
I'm just going to live it
A strong amazon down to the last
breath that I'm taking
and I'm demanding my respect
let there be no mistakin'...*
"Oh, look, they made up," Buffy said sarcastically.
"Oh, if I know Cordy...and I know Cordy," Willow said, grinning, "Xander ain't gonna be able to sit all weekend."
Buffy giggled. "I can't believe he lets her beat him."
"Girly boy," Spike muttered as he reached for his cigarettes.
Willow grabbed them before he could light one. "That's my oldest friend you're making fun of, lover."
"I'm two hundred years old, pet. I have old fashioned ideas. In my day men didn't bend over and have their asses whipped by girls." He tried to grab his cigarettes back and Willow tossed them to Buffy who stuffed them in her breast pocket. "Don't think I won't go after them there."
"You wanna lose a finger?"
Willow picked up the original argument. "In your day good girls didn't give blow jobs either I bet." She gave him a sweet, deadly smile.
Spike took her arm and tugged her against him, looking into her glistening eyes. "Is that a threat, luv?"
Purring softly, Willow rubbed her forehead on his chest and finally admitted, "No, I like it too much."
Sighing, Buffy scanned the crowd and saw Giles and Ethan on the opposite side, listening to the band warming up. They were chatting companionably. Dismissing the ooky feelings that the sight of Ethan always inspired, Buffy strolled their way.
*****
*On the phone again listening to ghosts
Trying to figure which one suits me the most
It's not an adventure--I do it by rote
Lies in my mouth and a lump in my throat*
At the sight of Buffy advancing on them, Ethan slid behind Giles who rolled his eyes.
"We have a truce, remember."
"Um, she does hold a grudge, old friend, remember?" Ethan replied.
Sticking her hands in her back pockets, Buffy stopped in front of her Watcher and peered around his shoulder. "Hi Ethan. You can come out. I won't kick your ass tonight. Tomorrow..." She left the threat hanging with a smile.
Ethan moved around Giles to stand next to him. His eyes narrowed and he looked up at his old friend. "She knows?"
"She guessed," Giles answered briefly, crossing his arms over his chest. He was dressed in a pair of navy dockers and a white Oxford shirt, opened at the neck. Buffy had rarely seen him so casually dressed.
"Ms. Calendar's here. Does she know?" Buffy asked.
"Um, no."
Shrugging her shoulders, Buffy gave him a small smile. "I have a feeling everyone's in for surprises tonight."
Giles was scanning the growing crowd and he started as his eyes lit on one couple. He blinked and squinted into the gloom, then took a step forward.
Realizing whom he had seen, Buffy grabbed his arm, stopping him. He stared down at her, shocked.
"What is Willow doing?" he asked thickly.
"Um...she's in love?" Buffy tried feebly.
"With...with..."
"Buffy, is that your ex, the demon, over there buying a candle?" Ethan chimed in.
Spinning around, Buffy stared at Angel and his eyes met hers, almost as if he knew she was watching him. Slowly he turned to see what Giles was staring at.
"Oh shit," Buffy said softly, then turned back to Giles. The look he gave her was full of pain and a hint of betrayal and her face crumbled as her stomach flipped. "I'm sorry, Giles. I've kept so much from you. But, you're right, there shouldn't be any secrets between us."
"What is going on, Buffy?" Giles managed to force out.
"A lot. A Hell of a lot. But, right now I have to go stop a war from starting." Turning she fled through the crowd towards an oblivious Willow and Spike.
Ethan smiled at Giles. "Secrets...they do have a way of coming out at the most inopportune times...don't they Ripper?"
Giles glared at the other man, then looked past him to a spot where a picture of Matthew Shepard sat on an easel. People were placing flowers at the base. Shaking off his anger and pain, Giles took a deep breath and picked up Ethan's hand, threading their fingers together. "At least we're alive to deal with them."
Ethan nodded and tightened their grip. "Let's go get some candles and say a prayer."
"You?" Giles asked skeptically.
Chuckling, Ethan began to tug Giles through the crowd. "I didn't say to whom I was planning to pray...or, rather, to what."
Giles couldn't help but smile at Ethan's attempt to lighten the mood and let him lead him towards a candle seller. He knew that he wasn't going to like the truths Buffy was hiding--the sight of Willow in Spike's arms was still freaking him out a little--but tonight there were more important things to do and think about.
*****
*If ever was a heart that longed to fly
If ever was a soul that longed to bloom
If ever was an angel, it was you...*
Buffy caught Angel before he could reach the couple who now sat on the grass at the edge of the crowd, listening to the band. Grabbing his arm, she spun him around to face her. He glared down at her.
"What are you doing here Angel? Looking for a quick bite."
"Oh no, lover, no distracting me. I have a former fledgling to eviscerate," he responded darkly, pulling away from her and taking another step towards Willow and Spike.
"Leave them alone," she pleaded. "Not tonight."
"Spike can walk," Angel growled, turning back to face her, "and apparently you know about it." His eyes narrowed and he grabbed her arm, pulling her against him. "And Willow?"
Buffy wrapped her arms around his neck, trying to make it look like they were embracing. "Not tonight, please."
He stared down into her deep blue eyes and after a few moments, his hand began to caress her arm. "I WILL get the truth."
"Uh huh, okay, tomorrow."
Angel acquiesced with a nod of his head and leaned down to kiss her hungrily.
*****
*'Cause love don't need a reason
Love's never a crime
And love is all we have for now...*
"Um, why is Dead Boy kissing Buffy and she's not staking him?" Xander asked, distracted by the scent of Cordelia's new perfume.
Cordelia looked up from her list of charities benefiting from the sale of the candles to see Xander staring, slightly stunned at Buffy and Angel. "Because she's been doing him for months. Get with the program, Xander."
He shook his head. "Willow and Dead Boy Jr.; Buffy and Dead Boy, the original. What is it about vamps with you girls?" he asked plaintively.
"Hey, don't include me in their perverse little group." Xander looked down at her and Cordelia smiled slightly. "How come you aren't rushing to her rescue?"
He shrugged his shoulders. "She'd probably kick my ass," he mumbled.
Smiling, Cordelia snuggled close to her lover. "How about tonight I kiss it instead?" He nodded eagerly and she continued in a whisper. "'Cause you're going to need some loving...after."
Xander grinned as a thrill of fear and pleasure ran through him. "It's Friday. Mom's in L.A."
"I'll tell my parents I'm at Willow's. I figure she'll be using me as an excuse."
*****
*Watching your eyes while you speak, they're alive
It warms me up again to know
We hold a power of good in our hands
We hold a giving full from the heart
And in these times where fear is rife
we can play a hero's part*
Jenny turned from placing a flower as a tribute and startled at the sight of Giles behind her. She glanced at Ethan and nodded, then smiled seeing that they were holding hands.
"Hello Rupert."
"Jenny."
"I'm glad you came."
"Yes. Well, we must do whatever we can."
Raising her fingers, she brushed them across his lips, silencing him, then looked over at Ethan who was watching her with a calculated look in her eye. "Truce tonight?" she offered.
He nodded graciously and Jenny looked back up at Giles. "I don't want to be alone tonight," she murmured, then gave him a quick kiss. "Bring your friend."
In a swirl of crimson silk and with a wink of her twinkling eyes, she spun and hurried into the crowd.
"Lovely girl," Ethan said. "Well, Rupert?"
Giles looked at him, then down at their clasped hands, before speaking slowly, "It's been a long time and our past few meetings haven't been pleasant."
"Three times a charm?"
Giles couldn't help but smile at that and nodded. "For one night, we live our lives as we want, celebrating that life."
Ethan swallowed hard. "I've missed you Rupert."
"I've missed the boy I knew so long ago...before the darkness."
*****
*Listen to my heart, listen to it sing
Listen to my voice, and it will tell you everything
All about the life, that's just about to start
For if you want to know how much I love you
listen to my heart...*
"Looks like Buffy distracted him," Willow said, relieved as she snuggled next to Spike, her back to a tree.
"I meant what I said. I don't want to be in charge anymore. Takes too much time."
"And you have better things to do with your time?"
He smiled at her. "Well...I am still trying to read the latest piece of garbage from Anne Rice."
Giggling, Willow kissed him on the cheek. "Uh huh. I guess this mean we don't have to drag the wheelchair around any more."
"Well...there's still Dru to deal with."
"Damn."
*****
*Wait, your tired arms must rest
Let this moment pass
Wait until the morning
Close your eyes and let me see who you used to be
Left without a warning
Who knew one so big could grow so small
Lighter than the writing on the wall*
"Angel, why are you here?"
Buffy's soft question made him stop kissing her neck and look down at her. "I knew you'd be here."
Reaching out, Buffy ran her hand over his face, feeling the welcome coolness of his firm skin. "And?"
He growled low in his throat and his eyes narrowed. "And I can't stay away from you," he finally admitted, forcing the words out. "Happy?"
"No." Turning out of his arms, she kept one arm around his waist and leaned against his side. "Not tonight. Not when we're here to mourn the loss of too many innocents."
"That's not why I'm here."
"Doesn't matter."
They were silent for a few minutes, listening to the band play a gentle ballad, then Angel growled again and admitted, "Homophobes piss me off."
"Me too."
"They're killing too many of my future meals," he blustered softly.
"Okay."
Silence again for a few minutes, until Angel's arm tightened around her waist and he hissed through gritted teeth, "I haven't seen you for three days and I missed you."
A thrill went through Buffy but she kept her voice soft and neutral. "I don't care why you're here, Angel. I'm just glad you're holding me. No one should be alone tonight. Not even vampires and Slayers." She leaned her head against his chest, willingly letting him support her.
*****
"I'd like to thank you for attending this tribute. I just wish it wasn't necessary because that would mean that no one else had been beaten and killed for being what they are. Tonight we celebrate the life of Matthew Shepard and the lives of all those who have died for trying to live their lives as they wished..."
*...To say in the brightness of brilliant day
it isn't a curse I turned out this way
I'm chosen, I like it I'm proud to say...
...Sing, sing to stars up above, bestowing their light
To freedom to love, courage to fight, to hold and caress
Woman to woman, man to man,
nothing less than total acceptance, elation, joy!
The word to be said, and the word to be sung is just...
Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!*
End
Thank you for hanging in there.
The music I listened to while writing this story, I also used in between sections. All the pieces come from a wonderful album, "A Love Worth Fighting For", a celebration of gay and lesbian singers and songwriters. The songs are in the story in the following order:
Lay Your Burden Down by Dan Martin
Sit with Me by Holly Near
Love Don't Need a Reason by Marsha Malamet
Love Worth Fighting For by Michael Callen
Listen to my Heart by Bill McKinley
Love Worth Fighting For by Michael Callen
Circle of Light by Ani DiFranco
Help is on the Way by Cris Williamson
Listen to my Heart by Bill McKinley
Don't be Despaired by Pam Hall
Ghosts by Grant King
When Angels Cry by Janis Ian
Love Don't Need a Reason by Marsha Malamet
Gold in the Tapestry by Jess Hawk Oakenstar
Listen to my Heart by Bill McKinley
When Angels Cry by Janis Ian
A Positive Song About Being Gay by Thomas Bogdan