"Well, now that the question of Drusilla is settled, shall we get on with our lives?" Lily asked.
Everyone looked at her.
"Well, if I don't write a ten page paper on the electoral college by Monday, I'm not gonna have a life," Xander joked, then added, "They have a college to teach you how to vote?"
Everyone began talking at once. Lily turned her head to look at Spike. "Are you ready, William?"
"There are a few things I'd like to collect from the warehouse, if I can get in without being attacked."
"And I need to get my things at Buffy's."
Nodding, Spike gave her a quick smile. "Meet me at our bench in two hours?"
Lily nodded in agreement and they kissed goodbye. Spike rose to his feet and skirted the still not happy Slayer, then walked over to Dalton, who was rhapsodizing over some tome of the Watcher's.
Handing him the keys to the cadillac, Spike said, "I won't need it anymore. It's sun proof, but I suggest you head out pretty soon."
Dalton took the keys, nodding. "I'll go back and get a few of her things--her dolls and some of her clothes. I don't think any of the other vampires will bother me. If they ask, I'll tell them the ritual failed and Drusilla is dead."
"Might as well tell them I'm dead, too. I'm going in through the duct work."
Turning, Spike walked over to Drusilla. She was humming and chewing on her hair.
"Spike? Have you come to take me home?" she asked, spitting hair out of her mouth.
Crouching down in front of her, Spike brushed the hair from her eyes. "No, ducks, not this time."
She whimpered. "Are the nasty Slayers going to hurt me?"
"No, Dalton is going to take you to San Francisco. You remember San Francisco, don't you, pet?"
"Hmm, yes," she replied dreamily. "All those tasty treats, and the car would go 'whump, whump' over the hills."
"Yes."
Her brows furrowed. "But, I don't want to go with Dalton; I want to go with you."
"I'm sorry, Dru," Spike said softly.
A flash of sanity entered her eyes and she touched his cheek gently. "Do you love her as much as you loved me?"
"Yes."
"And, does she love you?"
"Yes."
"And...you don't love me."
"I'm sorry, Dru, but I don't anymore, not like before," he replied helplessly, barely able to stand the pain that registered on her face.
Nodding slowly in understanding, Drusilla leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. "It's okay."
Swallowing hard, Spike forced himself to look into her pain and sorrow filled eyes. "I'll come visit you and I'll bring you nice prezzies."
"Dalton's nice."
"Yes, he is, and he'll take good care of you." He started to rise to his feet and Drusilla caught his hand.
"Spike, promise me something," she said seriously. He hesitantly nodded and she continued. "Be there when I die. I want to die in your arms. You still care..."
"Yes, I do still care, Dru, and I'll be there, I promise," he swore softly. Brushing his lips across her forehead, he turned and left the Library before the tears that stung his eyes could fall.
As Spike headed towards Drusilla, Angel rose to his feet and walked over to Dalton. Taking the handcuff key out of his pocket, he handed it to the scholar, in exchange for an old fashioned calling card.
"I'll come check on her in a few weeks," Angel said.
"She will be comfortable and well taken care of."
"Just keep her locked away and don't let her out of the handcuffs until you have her in whatever room you plan to keep her."
Dalton nodded and Angel went over to say his own farewells to Drusilla.
Lily looked up at Dalton. "I'll take one of those cards and give it to Spike." He handed her one. "Thank you for agreeing to do this."
"I like her," he admitted. "As a father to a child...she needs me and it's nice to be needed."
"Did you realize that you had been changed by Slayer blood before or after you read the articles?" she asked cunningly.
Dalton gave her a startled look. "How did you know?"
"You're nothing like any vampire I've known and I've known thousands," she replied with a shrug.
He nodded. "The vampire who made me was a Slayer. She was lonely and kept me with her for ten years, but always kept her secrets. I never knew she had a soul. I never knew about the blood. Her existence finally became too much for her and she walked into the rising sun. I often wondered why I didn't seem to have the lust for killing that other vampires have. Now I know."
Lily smiled and took his hand, squeezing it gently. "It's nice not to be alone in the world."
"Yes, it is."
Drusilla looked up from her study of her Keds and smiled at Angel. He sat down on a stool in front of her. "Spike says I'm to live with Dalton now. Will I have to share his bed, daddy?"
"Only if you want to, Dru."
She nodded. "I don't like sleeping alone," she said matter- of-factly.
"I'll come visit you soon, make sure you're okay and that he's treating you nice."
Shaking her head, Drusilla sighed. "I don't want to be treated nice, why can't you understand that?"
"Oh, Dru..."
Across the room, the Slayer and Slayerettes had gathered at the far end of the table.
"Um, Buffy, Dead Boy seems to be acting rather ooky over demon chick," Xander quipped.
Buffy glowered at him, then looked over her shoulder and glowered at Angel and Drusilla. "I'm not blind," she snapped. "He's just saying goodbye."
"I can't believe they were a couple. They totally don't go together," Cordelia said.
"It was an eon ago," Buffy protested. "Girls were total skanks back then."
"Oh, she's not skanky," Xander said, drooling slightly as he admired Drusilla dressed in the skimpy shorts and t-shirt.
Willow shivered and wrapped her arms around herself. "She's evil. I don't care if she is dying, or what evil Angel did to her..."
"What? What did Dead Boy do?" Xander interrupted with glee. "Did he, you know, rape her?" he asked with lurid interest.
Willow stared solemnly at him and finally answered, "You do not want to know *what* they did to each other."
Buffy's face crumpled. "He still blames himself."
"It wasn't him," Willow said with total conviction. "But his demon, his demon..." She shuddered at the memories of things she had overheard, the things Angel had admitted.
Buffy gave Angel's back a look of painful longing.
"Well, anyone for the Bronze?" Cordelia asked. The Slayerettes stared at her. "What? It's Friday night. We saved the world or, at least it didn't end. Let's party."
"Sounds good to me," Xander chimed in.
Willow sighed. "My parents will freak."
"Oh, call them and tell them Cordy's driving us and will bring us home," Xander said in a wheedling tone of voice.
"Hey, I never said that."
"Okay, I'll give it a try," Willow said and hurried into the office, missing Cordelia's harsh whisper to Xander.
"If she's in the car with us, how are we going to make out at stop lights?" She dragged Xander towards the door.
Buffy gave them a puzzled look, then shrugged, not even wanting to think about what might possibly be going on between the bitch queen and her friend, the dweeb.
Willow exited the office, smiling, then looked over at Buffy. "My parents said it was okay. Are you coming?"
Buffy shook her head, gesturing towards Angel. Willow nodded her understanding and followed Xander and Cordelia out of the Library.
As Dalton approached, Angel rose, backing away from Drusilla.
"Goodbye, Drusilla."
"Goodbye, my Angel." She looked up at Dalton as he unlocked the handcuff and fastened it around his own wrist. "Spike says I'm to go with you. You'll take good care of me?" Her voice and manner had reverted to a child's.
"Yes. I have a nice home in San Francisco, but first we'll stop and get your things."
"And Miss Edith?"
"And Miss Edith," he agreed, guiding her out of the Library.
Angel stood in the middle of the Library, staring after them.
Lily looked at Buffy and saw how despondent the girl was. Taking a few steps towards her, Lily perched on a corner of the table. "Give him time, Buffy," she said softly.
Buffy looked up from her seat, then frowned. "I don't know what to say to him."
"Just be there for him. He'll talk when he's ready."
"So, you're leaving with Spike?" Buffy asked, changing the subject.
"Yes, but I'll be in touch and San Francisco isn't far."
"You really believe this blood thing?"
Lily smiled and nodded wholeheartedly. "Yes."
"He is a little different," Buffy conceded.
"And I have to believe he'll only improve."
Buffy flashed her a small smile. "Well, he couldn't get much worse."
Laughing, Lily had to agree. "I'll go sneak into your house and grab my stuff and my car. I have no idea what may have happened to your house key." She hopped off the table and Buffy rose to her feet.
"Don't worry about it," Buffy said, shrugging. "Mom went to a double feature with a friend and my window's open, so you shouldn't have any problem."
"Thank you for letting me stay at your house."
"No prob."
Both Slayers looked at each other, shifted slightly, then began to giggle and embraced.
"Take care of yourself, Buffy."
"You too and write or call soon."
"I will. I'll email Willow my address and phone number."
Smiling, Lily strolled over to Jenny and Giles to say her goodbyes, then stopped in front of Angel. He looked at her with sad eyes.
"Everything will turn out okay, Angel," she said softly.
"Everyone seems to be happy. Even Drusilla is content half the time."
"And there's a lovely young woman over there who wants to hold you and comfort you. Let her."
Their eyes met and Angel nodded slowly, then raised Lily's hand to his lips. "Goodbye, Lily."
"Not goodbye, Angel. Au revoir."
Smiling, Lily left the Library, her heart full of joy and her mind on the future.
Slowly Angel turned and looked at Buffy. She was staring at him, her need to help him shining in her eyes. They each took a step towards the other, then froze.
Jenny glanced at Giles, who was frowning, then pulled him into his office for their own private celebration.
"Angel," Buffy began, then stopped, not really knowing what she should say.
"We...we need to talk," he said, his voice trembling.
Nibbling on her lip, Buffy nodded, then asked hesitantly, "Your place?"
"Okay." He jammed his hands into his jeans' pockets and sort of hunched his shoulders, looking very sad and a little lost.
Feeling a wave of compassion and love hit her, Buffy quickly moved to his side and slipped her arm through one of his. Together they left the Library in silence.
*****
Unlocking the door to his apartment, Angel reached inside and hit the light switch. Buffy released his arm and walked over to the couch, sitting down gingerly.
Angel closed the door and leaned against it. They both stared uncomfortably at each other, then the floor.
"This is ridiculous," Buffy said softly. "We're acting like we hardly know each other."
Angel looked across the room and pushed himself away from the door. "You don't know me, not the real me," he said in a dull voice.'
"Then tell me," she tried to persuade him, patting the couch next to her.
Sighing, Angel sat down in his easy chair and brooded.
Buffy let him brood for about two and a half minutes, then she cracked. "Angel, please talk to me," she begged.
"What do you want to know?" His voice was so empty it frightened her.
"What did Drusilla do you?" The question burst from her mouth.
"Nothing I didn't deserve."
"Bullshit. That's bullshit. I saw the wounds. I saw her hurt you. You didn't deserve any of that," she yelled passionately.
Angel's eyes narrowed, but he continued to stare at his lap. "You're wrong."
"Then explain it to me."
Shaking his head, Angel groaned. "What I did to Drusilla...it's not something anyone needs to hear."
"Apparently Willow got an earful."
At that, Angel looked up, more angst showing on his face. "One more innocent destroyed because of me," he muttered.
"Excuse me? Destroyed? She's a little worse for wear, but she's your strongest defender. If she can take it, I, who love you by the way, can too," she persisted.
Angel jumped to feet and began to pace. "I already told you. I tortured Drusilla, inflicted mental torment on her, and turned her into a monster."
"A demon turned a girl into a monster. That demon is not the man brooding before me."
His eyes flashed with momentary anger. "You don't know what you're talking about. None of you do. Not Lily, not Dru, not Willow. None of you have both a demon and a soul fighting for domination."
"Okay, your body did some horrible things in the past. How are you, Angel, the soul guy, responsible for that?"
Angel shook his head as he paced. "It's a matter of taking responsibility and feeling guilty."
"Well, just stop it."
Angel snorted at her absurd command, then rounded on her, suddenly needing her to understand and needing to vent his bottled anger. "Do you really want to know all the things I did to Drusilla? Every gory detail?"
Buffy flinched at his sudden anger. Brooding guy had morphed into looking like he wanted to throw her out the window guy. "Um, if you want to tell me."
Throwing himself back into the chair, Angel glared at the world. "I first met her in confession--I had just killed the priest. When evening fell, I followed her back to her home and introduced myself by shoving her against a wall and nearly kissing the life out of her. Over the next month I systematically wiped out her support system--she was already a little touched because of her visions, so it wasn't hard to push her over the edge."
"I killed her friends first, then, one by one, her family--great grandmother to infant brother. In between killings, I'd catch her out at night and taunt her. I'd tell her God had sent a vengeful angel to punish her by killing her family. I'd tell her she was a demon child, wicked, full of lust."
Once he started, Angel didn't seem to be able to stop. The self-hatred shown through his angry words and Buffy sat back and listened, feeling more and more sad and more and more sorry.
"Sometimes I'd kiss her and make her want me. Sometimes I'd beat her. I knocked out two of her back teeth, then made her give me the first blowjob she had ever given. Hell, she didn't even know such a thing was possible."
Buffy flinched at his harsh tone and pressed her lips together as he continued, his eyes flashing wildly around the room.
"Eventually she began to welcome the pain as something she deserved for being evil. She had no idea what I was. I don't think she ever tried to discover, but one night, she found me draining her last sibling and realized I was a vampire. That night she fled to a convent."
Angel ground his teeth together and clenched his hands into the arms of the chair. "I let her go, left her alone for several months. I told you that on the night she took her vows, I caught her and made her a vampire, but before I turned her, I threw her on the altar and, surrounded by the torn apart bodies of the sisters, I raped her. I raped her in every orifice, all night long, until she was nearly dead from my abuse, until she prayed for that death."
"Then, only then, did I give her eternal life."
"It wasn't you," Buffy whispered.
"I remember every detail as if it happened yesterday. And a part of me revels in the memories," he replied coldly.
"It was the demon," Buffy yelled, her eyes full of tears. "And he's no longer in control."
"The demon is as much a part of me as my soul. If you love *me*, you have to love all of me," he yelled back.
"I do," she choked out. "I have to. I can't live without you. I don't want to live without you. I want to help you. I want to understand you. If you need to believe that you're responsible for the demon's actions, I want to help you deal with that."
"Why?" Angel asked in a tortured voice. "How can you love me after hearing all that?"
"Because love is more than that, more than us both, more than everything," she whispered, weeping softly. Rising to her feet, she walked over to him and sank to her knees at his feet, resting her head gingerly on his lap, as if afraid he would reject her.
"I love you, Angel, Angelus, demon and soul. I can live with your past. I just want you to be able to do the same thing."
A few minutes passed, then a hand slipped into her hair. "I don't deserve you, Buffy," Angel said hoarsely.
"Tough," she smiled through her tears. "You're not getting rid of me. Lifting her head, she gently caressed his chest. "Please tell me what Drusilla did to you. I need to know so that I can help you deal with it."
Reaching down, Angel lifted Buffy onto his lap and cradled her tightly to him. As their faces brushed, his tears mingled with hers.
"Physical pain," he began in a choked voice, "I could live with that. The Holy Water, the beatings...but she..." His voice died away.
Buffy caressed his head, pressing her lips against his cheek. "It's okay. You can tell me. Everything will be all right."
"She made me betray you," Angel cried in an anguished voice.
Buffy hadn't been prepared for the painful image of Drusilla and Angel in bed that exploded into her brain at his words, but she forced herself not to jump to conclusions and held on to him tightly, still soothing him. "It's okay, tell me..."
*****
Carrying a couple of overnight bags, Lily let herself out of Buffy's house and pulled the door locked behind her. She had taken the time to change into a brightly colored gypsy skirt and white tank top, wanting to forgo the moroseness of black for a very long time.
Tossing the bags into the trunk of her Mustang, she slid behind the wheel and headed for the park.
*****
Dropping silently down into the room he had shared with Drusilla, Spike brushed the dust from his clothes and looked around. Dalton hadn't made it yet--all of Drusilla's things were still there.
Pulling out a duffle bag from under the bed, Spike opened the dresser and began to stuff the bag full of clothes. Moving to the desk, he dug out all his financial documents-- bank books, tax receipts, stock certificates, deeds to property--and shoved them into the bag along with a large key ring.
Looking around the room, he realized he didn't have much that was personal. Most of the stuff in the room was Drusilla's--he had just shared it with her.
Crossing silently to the bedside table, he opened the drawer and took out a few books, then saw a ring. He had taken it off last week, after the first night with Lily.
Picking the ring up, he studied it carefully. It was heavy gold, with a large ruby in the middle. Drusilla had given it to him after they had pledged themselves to each other.
To most vampires, the pledging ceremony didn't really mean anything. It was something done to signify the beginning of a relationship. But, most relationships lasted for less than a year and ended out of mutual boredom.
Spike remembered the ceremony with Drusilla. At the time, he had loved her, but had never thought much past the next night. Who would have guessed, that love would last for over one hundred years.
Was that the Slayer blood already acting on his system from the few Slayers he had killed the previous century?
Spike still wasn't certain if he believed all that. He'd have to get the research from Dalton and examine it himself.
But, there would be time for that later.
Dropping the ring into the bag, he pulled the drawstrings shut and climbed onto the dresser under the open grill in the wall to begin his journey back through the duct work towards his new life.
*****
Lily arrived at the bench early. Eager, unable to stop smiling, she sat, crossing one leg over the other and swinging it to a tune in her head. She couldn't remember ever feeling this excited about the future.
A few minutes later, she heard a slight noise and looked up. Spike was strolling towards her, a bag slung over his shoulder. Lily rose and ran to him, flinging herself into his arms.
They kissed like they had been separated for months. Finally, Spike pulled back and smiled down at her. "Ready, luv?"
"Ready, willing and eager, William."
He leaned down and nipped her ear, then growled, "Tomorrow, I'm going to show you how I earned my nickname."
Shivering, Lily pressed her hips forward against the bulge in his jeans. "I thought that had something to do with using railroad spikes to kill people," she teased.
"That's the official story, luv. The real one is a little more...personal," he replied, rotating his pelvis against her until she moaned and sighed.
Slowly parting, they clasped hands, then began to walk towards Lily's car.
*****
Jenny stretched slowly and reached for Giles' shirt that had managed to find its way under the desk. Slipping it on, she rose to her knees and gazed down on her sleeping lover.
Gently caressing his forehead, unlined and youthful in sleep, she just watched his even breathing, the rise and fall of his chest. There were pale grey hairs sprinkled amongst the brown, more and more every day it seemed.
He was nearly a dozen years her elder, with experiences and emotional scars she could barely imagine. He had lived an incredible life and now that he was the active Watcher, every day was a new adventure, and usually not a good one.
But, he had chosen her--or rather, he had let her choose him--as his companion.
As she ran her hand across his chest, Giles' eyes fluttered open. An instant of uncertainty, then he recognized her and smiled. She smiled back and took his hand.
"You need your sleep, Rupert," Jenny said softly.
"I only sleep well in your arms, Jenny."
Sinking down onto his chest, Jenny wrapped her arm around him and closed her eyes, purring slightly as he caressed her head and arm.
"I love you, Jenny," he murmured.
"I love you, too, Rupert."
*****
In the Bronze, Cordelia, Xander and Willow danced to a fast rock beat, seemingly carefree. As teenagers swirled around them, wrapped up in their own lives and problems, the Slayerettes celebrated life and the triumph of light over dark. Sometimes it was a pain to know too much, but they wouldn't have it any other way.
*****
As he drove the cadillac towards the edge of Sunnydale, Dalton glanced at his companion. Drusilla was curled on the passenger seat, her wrist chained to the door handle. She didn't seem to mind. Cradling Miss Edith, she was smiling and humming along to 'Eine Kleine Nacht Musik' on the radio.
Happy that she was happy, Dalton sped up as they reached the city limits.
*****
Buffy sat curled on Angel's lap, holding his head to her breasts as he wept. They were cleansing tears. He had confessed what Drusilla had done to him, certain that Buffy would reject him.
She still couldn't believe that he thought she would blame him. She wasn't thrilled, but since her first thought was that Drusilla had seduced him into her bed, the reality had just not been as important.
Buffy, a teenager with raging hormones herself, understood that a person couldn't always control their body's reactions. She recognized that Drusilla had forced the act upon Angel, forced him to enjoy it physically.
And a part of Buffy was glad he had felt pleasure. The thought of Angel in physical pain was almost too much for her to bear.
After Angel had told her the truth, she had just held him, telling him that it was okay, that everything would be okay. He hadn't believed her, had expected her to jump up and storm out of the apartment.
Her staying was enough to release a portion of his guilt and then the tears had been unstoppable.
Logically, Buffy understood that this was probably just the first step of his recovery. They had a lot more talking to do and probably a lot more crying.
That was okay...as long as they did it together.
*****
Sliding into her car and pulling the door shut behind her, Lily glanced at her lover. He was watching her, a small smile on his face.
"What are you smiling about?" she asked suspiciously.
"I was thinking about the first time I saw you. I wanted you at first sight...but I had no clue you would become my world."
A tear of joy slipped down her cheek at how sweet he was. "I wish the memory of my first sight of you was a little more pleasant," Lily said, trying to keep her voice light as she started the engine.
"Would you really have ripped my head off?" he asked, his tone disbelieving.
Lily grinned, shrugged and peeled down the street.
END