Hunger awakened her. Furious, roiling, it forced her into the fetal position. She clutched at her stomach, but the hunger wasn't centered there--it was everywhere. Every nerve, every fiber of her being screamed with it. Lily moaned deep in her throat and tried to open her burning eyes, but along with the hunger came a wave of incredible weakness.
Finally, forcing an eyelid up, Lily spied the male sleeping next to her on the makeshift bed and the memories of the night before flooded back.
They had made love for hours, fueled by vampiric strength and endurance. Somehow Lily had kept herself from drinking from him again, but Spike had not shown the same restraint. Lily could feel flecks of dried blood on her body in the various spots he had bitten her. She remembered how erotic it had felt at the time. But, how much blood had he taken? Too much.
Her internal clock told her it was still night. She had to get out of here and feed.
Being careful not to wake Spike, Lily attempted to uncurl her frozen limbs and rise to her knees, but her body didn't want to move. As the hunger hit again, this time like a dagger through the heart, Lily cried out, waking the male lying next to her.
Lily buried her face in her folded arms, desperately trying to control her shaking body. She flinched when he gently touched her shoulder and moaned again as he drew her into his arms.
Lily barely felt a blanket being drawn over her as she instinctively burrowed against Spike's body. He gently stroked her hair.
"Boys, get in here!" Spike barked.
The opening of the door faintly registered in Lily's blood starved brain.
"Go fetch me a snack--a sober one if at all possible," Spike ordered. The door closed again and Spike's words slowly penetrated Lily's mind.
"Nooo," she moaned. The last time she had been this starved--also the last time she had been bitten by a vampire--she had nearly drained her maid. She was teetering on the edge. At this point, it would be so easy to kill. The risk was too great!
"Don't be silly," Spike chided. "You're starving. I can feel it." His voice dropped seductively. "I was willing to share..."
Lily cringed. Her one taste of vampire blood had overwhelmed her. She had refused to lose herself again. Stupidly, she had done nothing to stop him feeding, reveling in the love bites, reaching orgasm as he drank from her.
"Here." Spike pressed his wrist against her trembling lips. Lily could smell the blood through the skin and felt her fangs extend. But, with her last bit of strength, she pulled away from him and collapsed into a stupor.
*****
Lily was awakened by the jolt of something falling across her legs. Frightened whimpers filled her ears and the scent of blood tantalized her. A human.
She felt herself being lifted and cradled on a lap. Slowly she opened her eyes, taking in her blanket-wrapped body held against Spike's disappointingly dressed one, and a large burly vampire using his foot to hold down onto the mattress a squirming, tied and gagged human woman. The hunger began to swell...
"Leave," Spike commanded his henchman, who immediately followed the order, closing the door behind him. The woman began to try to roll off the mattress, crying against the gag. Her terror was a palpable thing, hanging heavy in the musty room. The smell of her blood, rushing through her veins and pounding in her heart, brought a whimper of need from Lily's parched lips.
"Just a sec, luv," Spike said gently as he reached around Lily and grabbed the woman by the hair to drag her towards them. She screeched into the gag, but ended up on her knees only inches from Lily's shoulder.
Lily turned her head from Spike's chest and the woman screamed at the sight of distended fangs. As Spike dragged her closer to Lily's mouth, her muffled screams dwindled to choked sobs.
Lily wanted to stop this from happening. Her mind shrieked denials, babbling at her body not to let this obscenity happen, but her body was working on instinct. Somewhere she found the strength to pull away from Spike and grab the woman's shoulder, jerking her forward.
Control slipped from her grasp and she bit. The rush of blood sent her farther over the edge, shutting down her mind. Lily wrapped her arms around the struggling woman, holding her still as she sucked hungrily on her neck.
As the hunger receded, Lily's mind began to clear and she realized what she was doing. The blood gave her enough strength to pull back from the woman, who thankfully was only unconscious. She had lost nearly two pints of blood and would need to get to a hospital.
"Well, luv, again you left some for me. How considerate." Lily's heart sank at Spike's words. He would kill this woman and she didn't have the strength to stop him.
Lily quickly considered her options. One, she could try to stop Spike or ask him to let the woman go, which would most likely lead to a lot of questions and probably her own demise. Two, she could let him kill the woman, go along with the whole evil vampire thing, and live to see another day, figuratively speaking.
Lily mentally hissed at the flippant side of herself. But, if she didn't play all her cards, she might be able to get away, which might be better in the long run. Shit, she always hated these 'good of the many' situations.
Spike took the decision out of her hands before she could even begin to make it. He jerked the woman to his mouth and fed in quick slurps.
Lily managed to slip off his lap as he fed and walked over to her clothes. With shaking hands she dressed, furious at herself for not trying to stop Spike. Another death on her head.
As self-loathing filled her, she finished dressing and reached for her jacket. Spike got to it before her, kicking it out of her reach. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her against him. Lily flinched at the blood staining his lip.
"Going somewhere, luv?"
"It's nearly dawn," Lily said, managing to keep her voice calm. "I need to get home."
"And, if I don't want to let you go?" His other hand caught her chin and turned her face to his. His eyes burned into her's, setting her legs trembling. She was still weak and didn't need or want to be feeling desire again so soon. After the exhausting night they had shared, how either still could feel desire for the other, she didn't have a clue.
"You have two choices. You can let me go...or you can kill me." Lily glared up at him in defiance. "I don't belong to you. I have my own life--or death--to lead."
Spike looked down at her serious face for a moment, then grinned and kissed her hard. "I can't kill the best fuck I've had in a devil's age!" He released her and picked up her jacket for her. Surprised, Lily slipped the jacket on, then looked at him suspiciously. "I do have an ulterior motive. If I kill you, I won't have any more of your delicious blood."
Lily felt the small stake in the pocket of her jacket and, at that moment, really wanted to jam it into his heart. She contented herself with gritting her teeth and glaring at him. "I'm not at your beck and call either."
Spike seemed unfazed by her uncooperative attitude. "Then I'll just have to kidnap you again." With one hand on the small of her back he ushered her to the door and out into the sewer. His goons were leaning against the far wall. Lily winced at the dead bodies littering the ground. "Can you find your way or should I walk you home?"
"I know the way." They looked at each other for a second, then Lily strode back down the sewer towards the park entrance. She barely heard Spike's comment before he turned and went the other way.
"What a woman!"
*****
Warily Lily exited the sewer and instinctively glanced eastward. Dawn was just breaking on the far horizon, the black sky turning to purple. As long as the rays did not touch her she would be alright, but every instinct told her to get under cover immediately.
As her motel room was nearly a twenty minute walk away, Lily began to run through the park, silent as any predator. By the time she reached the edge of the park, still approximately five blocks from her motel, the loss of blood forced her to slow to a walk.
Luckily, she was walking west. Lily concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other as quickly as her weakening body would allow.
Finally, just as the rising sun was beginning to send uncomfortable aches through her back, Lily reached the motel. As she pulled the key out of her pocket, she leaned against the door and nearly fell in as it opened.
"Who's there?" she demanded, righting herself and peering into the dark room. A light came on, illuminating a figure lying on the bed. Angelus.
"Where have you been?" he asked, rising to his feet.
"What are you doing in my motel room?" Lily closed the door behind her and locked it, then took off her jacket and flopped down into the only chair in the seedy room. She was too tired for a confrontation.
Angel paced over to her. "I've been searching for you all night. Willow tracked down motel rooms occupied by women fitting your description; this was the only one that was still empty an hour ago."
Lily looked up at him and saw the worry on his face. She didn't feel in the mood to placate him. "So, you broke in? What if it hadn't been me? You would have been trapped by some strange woman with daylight creeping over the horizon."
"I didn't expect to have to wait until dawn!" Angel yelled at her.
Hysteria bubbled out of Lily in the form of giggles as Angelus's overprotectiveness got to her and memories flooded her. Angelus, who, once upon a time, had nearly drained her...The past evening, when his protege had nearly done the same thing, but for entirely different reasons. Her first taste of vampire blood since her transformation. The lust-- no it wasn't just lust, and that was what was so pitiful about the whole thing.
The giggles turned into hysterical laughter and the baffled look on his face sent her doubling over.
Angel knelt in front of her and grabbed her shoulders to shake her. "Lily, stop it."
The laughter turned into sobs and Lily let Angel pull her down into his arms. She returned his embrace, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck, needing desperately for something to hang on. Her world no longer made sense.
Finally, exhaustion claimed her and the sobs dwindled. She leaned into him, letting him support her, feeling his hands gently caressing her back and hair. It felt... comfortable...for the first time in so long.
Lily barely felt Angel rising to his feet with her in his arms until he lay her on the bed and pulled back to sit next to her. She sniffed, then covered her eyes with her hands, embarrassed to have broken down as she had. Gently he pulled her hands away from her eyes.
"You okay?" he asked in a gentle voice.
Lily nodded, swallowing hard. Nothing was really okay, but, at least she wasn't hysterical anymore.
Tenderly, Angel touched her throat and picked off a fleck of blood. "You're covered in your own blood. I can smell it. You're also very weak. How much did you lose?
"Too much," Lily sighed.
"Have you fed," he asked politely.
Lily looked away and nodded.
"Will you tell me what happened?"
There was silence for a minute before Lily spoke. "I have to shower first; I feel disgusting. Maybe then..."
Angel helped her to her feet and guided her over to the bathroom. "Yell, if you need help."
A ghost of a smile crossed Lily's lips. "I don't think Buffy would appreciate you bathing me."
Angel chuckled. "You're undoubtedly right."
Lily slipped inside the tiny bathroom--thankfully windowless- -and shut the door behind her.
*****
Thirty minutes later, as clean as she could feel at the moment, and very tired, Lily exited the bathroom wrapped in her fluffy, pink robe, drying her hair with a towel. Angel sat on the end of the bed, flipping the channels through early morning television. When he saw her, he turned the set off and dropped the remote onto the bed. Lily sat down at the head of the bed and Angel turned to face her.
"Feeling better?" he asked.
Lily nodded, fluffing her wet hair. He gave her an expectant look and Lily sighed. "I suppose you want to know what happened to me."
"That would be a start."
Too tired to glare at him, Lily arranged the pillows behind her and leaned back, folding her hands on her stomach. With another sigh, she began to speak. "You've probably guessed it....Spike grabbed me and had a snack. He finally let me go about an hour ago."
Angel frowned at the flippant tone of her voice. "You were supposed to meet us at eight o'clock last night. He had you all this time just to feed on you?"
Lily thought she was too tired to feel the sudden fury that lashed through her as she erupted at him. "You had to have smelled it on me! You know what he was doing with me!"
Angel had the grace to look embarrassed. "I apologize. What you do is your own business. I am surprised at Spike. He's been madly in love with Dru for a hundred and twenty years."
"Well, apparently, he wants something on the side," Lily responded in a flat tone. Why did the mention of Spike's love for another female hurt? "Can we change the subject? It happened; I survived. There has to be something more interesting to talk about."
Angel knew there was a lot more to it, but let the subject drop. "I think I found the prophecy." Lily perked up at that. "I don't have it memorized and Giles has the manuscript, but it did mention a white flower--probably you--and two dark goddesses fighting--you and Dru. There was a whole lot of other weird stuff--time reversing, ears of grain, flowing nectar--no time line except for it happening in the last years of the millennium. Buffy's dreams are becoming sharper."
"I called Giles while you were in the shower and told him I found you--I didn't go into details," Angel continued. "He will call us here once he's spoken to Buffy to see if she had the dream again."
"Sharper how?" Lily asked.
Angel shifted uncomfortably. "She saw you in the cage again. This time, Spike came over and took your hand, causing Dru to scream in anger while she was torturing me."
"Nasty." Lily knew he was speculating why Spike would take her hand and tried to divert his attention. "Why would Dru want to torture you? You're her sire, after all."
"I wasn't exactly nice to her...and now..." Angel shrugged and gave her a weak grin.
Briefly Lily thought about mentioning her dream--which had obviously come true--but she did not have the energy to go into whatever the Hell was going on between her and Spike--not yet.
"I need to sleep, Angel."
"That's the first time you've called me that." He sounded pleased.
"You're no longer Angelus--it's so obvious if you only look." It was true and Lily had to smile. He was no longer her enemy. Maybe they could even be friends. It had been a long time since she had one of those.
Angel rose to his feet. "I'll wait until Giles calls, then I'll sack out on the floor."
"Don't be ridiculous," Lily protested. "The bed is big enough for two...and we have been just slightly intimate." They grinned at each other, both pleased with the new relationship that was developing. "I won't tell Buffy; cross my heart..."
Angel laughed.
*****
Lily awoke at dusk, feeling much stronger and ready to face the world. As she sat up, she glanced at Angel who sat on the end of the bed watching cartoons with the sound off.
"Hi," she said softly, so as not to startle Angel. He turned around.
"Hi. How are you feeling?"
"Much better. I slept, appropriately enough, like one of the dead." Angel grinned at her choice of words and she smiled back. Lily slipped out of the bed and stretched, tugging tighter the ties of the robe which had loosened during her long sleep. "Did you hear from Giles?"
"Yeah. I told him you were okay, but didn't go into any details, that's up to you. He relayed that Buffy had the dream again, even more intense this time."
Lily pulled some clothes out of the dresser, gesturing for him to continue as she went into the bathroom to dress.
"There were more details of Dru torturing me--typical stuff, actually--then, Buffy said that she saw part of the battle between you and Dru. You were both naked and covered in blood but Buffy didn't know if it was your blood. Buffy said that scenes seemed to be skipping around in the dream. The last thing she saw was Spike holding you in his arms."
Lily emerged from the bathroom, buttoning a lavender silk shirt that hung loose over a black leather miniskirt. She had brushed her long hair into a high ponytail. "So, that part could be the beginning or the end or somewhere in between."
"Yeah. Part of the prophecy talked about time reversing. Maybe that's why the dream isn't moving in a linear fashion."
"Possibly." Lily sat on the bed to pull on her black, knee high boots. "But, dreams often bounce from image to image. When are we meeting them?" she asked, changing the subject.
"In about thirty minutes in the Library," Angel answered, rising to his feet. Lily joined him, picking up a black velvet purse which contained cosmetics, a brush, her fake I.D., about ten bucks--mostly in change--and about a half dozen stakes.
"I need to feed," she said baldly. The hunger was back, although not quite as insistent as it had been twelve hours before.
Angel ushered her out the door, turning off the television and light. "I have some blood at my apartment. I want to go back there and change first."
Lily thought about it for a minute--she had often resorted to bottled blood, although it was never her drink of choice--but then shook her head. "No, I'm still recovering. It needs to be fresh." At Angel's look of discomfort, Lily reached out a hand and touched his arm. "I don't kill humans, Angel. Not even this morning when I was starving. Please remember that."
"I'm not standing in judgment of you..."
"Good. It certainly would be a case of the pot calling the kettle black. You don't drink fresh blood because you're afraid it will bring the demon back. I don't have a demon to worry about. Now, I will meet you at the Library in thirty minutes."
Lily turned and disappeared around the corner of the building.
*****
Thirty minutes and one sleazy pimp missing a pint of blood later, Lily pushed open the door to the Library and walked inside. Angel wasn't there yet, but everyone else was, including two new women--one a teenager in a micro-mini dress and the other one an adult who looked her over with knowing eyes.
"I apologize for missing our meeting last night. I was detained," Lily said in a cool voice.
Buffy walked over to her carrying a knife she had been using to whittle stakes. "Angel told Giles that Spike grabbed you. Why'd he let you go?" The suspicion in her voice made Lily smile.
"Nice knife." Lily walked around Buffy towards the older woman. "Hello, I'm Lily St. James."
"Jenny Calendar. I teach computer science here." The two women shook hands. Jenny was startled by the cold of Lily's skin and withdrew her hand quickly. "I'm sorry," she stammered.
Lily smiled. "Don't be. It takes a while to get used to. I don't bite."
Jenny returned the smile. "The only 'good' vampire I've met has been Angel. Most of them seem to always want to grab me or hit me over the head."
"Yeah, they're simple minded like that."
Suddenly, Buffy stepped between the two women and raised the knife to Lily's throat. "So, did you make a deal with Spike? Is that why he let you go?" she accused Lily.
With one swift movement, Lily both disarmed Buffy, sending the knife flying across the room to clang against the metal cage, and lifted the young woman off the floor by the hand that had held the knife. Buffy tried to kick out, but Lily sidestepped the blows.
"I don't like having knives held on me...especially by little brats," Lily said in an icy voice. "And I don't have to answer to you!"
Suddenly, Angel was there, pulling Buffy away from Lily who released her grip on the girl's wrist. Buffy twisted in Angel's arms, wanting down so she could attack again.
"Let me go. I know I should have followed my instincts and staked her when I had a chance!" Buffy cried.
"What the Hell is going on here?" Angel demanded, setting Buffy on her feet, but keeping her held securely against him with an arm around her stomach.
"She's made a deal with Spike. Why else would he let her go?"
Lily crossed her arms defiantly across her chest and glared at the girl. "I'm not in the mood to explain about Spike. Why would you think I would betray you?"
"Because you're a vampire!"
Lily looked pointedly at Angel. "You should worry more about your boyfriend than me."
"Gee, thanks," Angel muttered. He dragged a struggling Buffy across the room to the office where they could have some privacy.
They passed the other young woman Lily had yet to meet, who commented cattily, "Jeez, Buffy, menstrual much?"
Lily walked over to her, looking her over. The young woman was beautiful and obviously knew it. She introduced herself as Cordelia Chase.
*****
Inside the office, Angel was holding Buffy close, trying to soothe her.
"We let her into our lives. How do we know we can trust her? I don't care if she has a soul. I don't care that she was a Slayer. Spike let her go!" Buffy's voice dwindled to a whisper. "Spike doesn't let anybody just go."
Angel rubbed her back gently. "Lily did not betray you to Spike."
"How do you know?" Buffy demanded.
"She is a Slayer. I don't believe that she could betray another Slayer...or any human for that matter--not the way you think, at least. She's the most 'human' vampire around--more human than me."
Buffy pulled away from Angel and leaned against the desk, wiping her teary eyes. "When Giles told me that she had been captured by Spike, but he'd let her go, all I could see was Ford," she said in a quiet voice. "If a person wants to live bad enough, they'll do just about anything."
"Would you? Would you betray Willow and Xander, all of your friends out there, to live?"
Buffy was startled by Angel's question and thought about it for a minute. "I don't know," she admitted, a little surprised at her answer. "I guess, it would have to happen before I'd know."
"Do you trust me?" Angel asked softly. Their eyes met and Buffy slipped back into his arms, resting her head on his firm chest.
"Yes."
"Then trust that I know Lily didn't betray us.
*****
"Angel told me you found the prophecy." Lily looked at Giles who sat at the large table with a book in front of him and was looking worriedly in the direction Angel had taken Buffy.
"Yes, I have it here."
Lily sat down beside him and he carefully moved the book so that it lay in front of her. She read it quickly. "Hmmm, well, as prophecies go, it's certainly vague. I assume I'm the white flower?"
Giles nodded. "Unfortunately I have had no luck deciphering much more than that. Buffy doesn't really believe that you betrayed her...," Giles said, changing the subject gingerly.
"Yes she does," Lily replied with a smile. "If I were in her shoes, I would. I overreacted."
Willow sat down across from her. "A couple of months ago and old friend of Buffy's came to town. He knew she was the Slayer and he wanted to become a vampire, so he turned her over to Spike."
"Thank you, Willow, but it's actually a good thing that Buffy doesn't trust me. She shouldn't trust anyone without knowing them for a good long while. Now, let me see if I can help decipher this prophecy. Have you had any luck finding the original?"
Jenny sat down at the head of the table where she had laid out several pieces of notebook paper covered in notes. "I've put a call out on the Internet to all my contacts, but so far no luck."
"And I have several rare book dealers scouring the globe for the original," Giles added. "Right now, we have to trust that the translation is accurate."
Jenny picked up one of the pieces of paper and read what they had so far. "Giles figured 1998, since we're three years from the new millennium. The light of day at the edge of the world--Sunnydale, California. The dark goddesses are you and Drusilla. Legend refers to you that way. And, you're the white flower. That's all we have."
Lily nodded at each statement Jenny read, then added, "The red flower could be a rose. Does anyone know a woman named Rose?"
Xander came over to the table eating a twinkie. "I have an Aunt Rose, actually she's my great-great aunt and she must be at least 90."
"I really doubt that your ancient Aunt Rose is going to be of any help," Cordelia responded in a snotty voice. "Try to think of something constructive before you open your big mouth...to speak, that is."
Xander turned and stuck his face in her's. "They asked if anyone knew a Rose. Be honest and true, that's my motto."
"Oh, I thought it was 'stuff my face until I explode.'"
"If you weren't a girl...," Xander yelled at her.
"You'd what?" Cordelia challenged him.
Suddenly, Xander changed tactics and spoke in a calm voice. "This is getting us no where. I think there are some books we haven't gone through back in the stacks. Why don't you help me get them."
There was silence for a moment then Cordelia answered him. "Okay." The pair raced up the stairs to the stacks.
"Are they dating?" Lily asked the people gathered at the table.
"Euu, no, ick. Cordelia's evil, well, not evil evil, but not nice," Willow tried to explain. Lily nodded, but didn't believe a word of it. Those two had radiated passion.
"So, this Rose and I will intertwine. Interesting." Lily thought about it for a minute. Intertwine could mean a lot of things, the most extreme being...Well, it wasn't totally new. There had been a few female vampires that she had taken out in her own special way.
A glance at Willow showed that she was bright red. Lily wondered if this innocent girl was thinking the same thing.
"Well, yes, that could mean anything. A simple embrace, the intertwining of minds...," Giles tried to come up with an easier explanation to cover his embarrassment. Lily turned to look at Jenny and saw that she was watching her with interest.
"The next line," Jenny began, "could mean--if you are the one being sustained, that is--that the nectar is blood."
"It is what I need to sustain me. But, that assumes that Rose and I are the ones being talked about."
"There are a lot of assumptions being made. This prophecy is so damn vague." Giles' voice rose in frustration.
"I think I understand a little of the last line," Lily interjected. They all stared at her. "Remember, I've been alive for over three hundred years. Language is constantly evolving."
Before she could explain, Buffy and Angel emerged from the office, hand in hand. They walked over to the group at the table. Lily rose to her feet to face Buffy. The girl was pale...and scared. Lily didn't think she was scared of her.
"I'm sorry," Buffy said softly. "I don't think you betrayed us."
Lily glanced up at Angel who shook his head minutely, letting her know that he hadn't told Buffy what had really happened the night before. "It's alright. I overreacted." She sighed. "I suppose I should tell you what happened. It may play a bigger part than I realized, if I'm right about the last line of the prophecy."
"You know what it means?" Angel asked in surprise.
"Maybe. Do any of you know another word for an ear of grain?"
Lily sat back down and gestured for Angel and Buffy to join the group at the table. "The Latin word for an ear of grain is spica. Translated into English, it's spike," Lily continued.
"Of course! I was looking for symbolic meanings when I should have been looking for the literal," Giles exclaimed.
"So, Spike's the 'ear of grain'?" asked Buffy.
"Quite possibly." Lily picked up the notes again and glanced at the last line. "I don't think any of this is symbolic. The last bit speaks of Spike's loyalty wavering and turning to flower. Well, an ear of grain can turn to flower, but I think this means he's turning to me. I'm the flower."
Xander and Cordelia came down the stairs from the stacks each carrying an armful of books to greet the surprised silence at the table.
"What'd we miss?" Xander asked. Lily repeated what she had said and the two young people pulled up chairs to the table. "Okay, so what's this about a resolution?
"Not 'a' resolution, just simply resolution," Willow corrected. "Resolution will become Spike? Are you sure about this, Lily?"
"Well, I can't be sure of anything until it happens, but it makes sense to me. Well, not the part about resolution."
"Resolution comes from the Latin resolvere, which means to resolve," Giles explained. "That just doesn't make sense." He mused silently for a minute, then a look of excitement crossed his face. "Could it be that simple?" he wondered aloud.
"What?" Buffy demanded. "You know I hate when people just leave me hanging while they ponder the imponderable!"
Everyone ignored Buffy's outburst and waited for Giles to explain. He began to gesture wildly at the reference section behind Willow. "Willow, over there is a book on baby names; please fetch it."
"Baby names? Giles, no one is pregnant...that we know of," Buffy said pointedly, staring directly at Lily.
Willow fetched the book and handed it to Giles who began to flip through it. "Aha! It is that simple." He looked up at the others who were hanging on his every word, then rubbed his nose and pointed at a word in the book. "William means resolute defender."
Angel began to chuckle. "William will become Spike. Very clever."
"And Spike's loyalty will turn to Lily," Buffy continued. "Should I go find my knife?"
"Now, Buffy," Giles began.
Lily interrupted him. "No, she's right to be wary. I should tell you what happened to me last night--all of it. And I should also mention my dream."
"But, vampires can't dream," Angel said, startled.
"They're not normal dreams--they're prophetic ones. This one came true last night." Lily glanced around at the teenagers. "Perhaps the young people should leave."
"Hey, you can't cut us out of this just because we're young," Buffy protested.
"It's not a tale for tender ears. It wasn't pretty."
Giles apparently got some hint of what she was going to say. "Yes, perhaps she's right. Jenny, Angel and I can fill you in on the salient points later."
"No. If you want me to trust you, Lily, I need to hear it all, first hand," Buffy replied.
Giles sighed. "Well, the rest of you don't need to stay. You must have homework that needs doing...something?" They all shook their heads.
"It's silly to waste time having to explain it twice. Just tell it so we can move on," Cordelia said.
Lily looked at the other two, saw that they were determined to stay and sighed again.
"Alright," she began, "but, I warned you. You may look back to the past from your modern world and think that everything was stuffy, puritanical, highly moralistic--you couldn't be more wrong. When I was alive and a young wife, I was a part of a royal court known for its licentiousness. The King had more mistresses than you could count and dozens of bastard children. His moral values trickled down to his courtiers."
"Now, I was raised a good Catholic and I was a faithful wife, but that doesn't mean that at times I wasn't as bawdy as the rest of them. I speak plainly and don't sugarcoat my words. This story isn't for virginal ears and we don't have the time for me to dance around the truth."
"Are you determined to stay?" They all nodded.
"Fine. The night Buffy found me fighting with Spike I realized he was attracted to me...and I was attracted to him. The next afternoon, at 3:09 p.m., I was awakened by a dream. In it, Spike and I were making love." Everyone stared at her and Lily found herself desperately wanting to take a deep breath...but couldn't remember how, so she continued.
"Last night, I was drawn to the park, where Spike and I had fought. He and three of his goons were waiting for me. They tied me up and took me somewhere in the sewers to a series of rooms, most likely far away from their true hiding place."
"Spike fed from me--just enough to revitalize him--and I lost control. I don't remember my transformation into a vampire, so the only other time I remember a vampire feeding from me was Angel. When he did it, when Spike did it two nights ago, it hurt. Last night was different--erotic."
"My dream came true," she continued. "We spent the whole night having sex. I couldn't stop him. I didn't want to stop him." Lily glanced at the others and saw understanding on the faces of some and wonder on the faces of others.
"He fed off me and...I fed off him, just the first time." Lily's voice dropped. "I have never done that. Because I refused to continue to do so, when I awoke this morning I was starving. Spike had his henchmen bring a young woman to me. I had to feed. I regretted it and did not kill her." She paused for a moment.
"But, I did not have the strength to save her from Spike. I could have protested, tried to stop him, and most likely, he would have killed me. I had to think of the prophecy. I had to survive." The words sounded like hollow rationalization to her ears, but her guilt forced her to continue. "Because I did not reveal my true self, Spike still believes I am a vampire like all the rest and he let me go. He made a crack about kidnapping me again when he needed my blood...then set me free."
"I make no excuses. There is something between Spike and I. It's not love--I pray it's not love," she faltered for a moment, then continued, "but it's almost as powerful. I've tried to fight it...but I'm afraid it's destined to be." Lily slumped a little at the table and wrapped her arms across her chest. "So, there you have it. Not pretty."
Angel was the first to speak. "We may be able to use this against him. We know he needs your blood, but if he's obsessed with you..."
"Femme fatale. I play it well," Lily said in resignation.
"Um, yes, well," Giles began, fiddling with his glasses.
"Oh, that was witty," Buffy gibed. "So, you've got the hots for Spike. Well, he is kinda cute...in a slimy Billy Idol sortof way. I mean, what is with that hair?" That broke the tension at the table as people chuckled and smiled at Buffy's comments.
"Cute?" Angel cried in fake affront. Buffy snuggled up against him.
"He has nothing on you."
Lily relaxed and leaned back in the chair listening to the silly comments going back and forth across and around the table, glad that no one was apparently condemning her--at least not to her face.
Willow was the first to bring up something serious. "So, where do we go from here?"
End Chapter 5