Spike had just drifted to sleep after a long night of lovemaking, when Drusilla shook him awake. "Pettttt..." he whined, rolling onto his stomach and dragging a pillow over his head.
Perched on her knees beside him, Drusilla pulled the pillow away and when he finally blinked his eyes open, she waved the newspaper flyer in front of his face. "I want to go here."
Spike squinted at the flyer and just as his mind began to comprehend the words, she pulled it away and read, her voice excited. "Sale, sale, sale. Seven a.m., all stores open, come to Riverside Mall."
"Dru, it's dawn."
"Not until after seven, and we can be safely in this mall." His eyes drifted shut again and Drusilla scowled, shaking his shoulder. "I need you to drive me and carry my purchases."
"I'm not going shopping on the day after Christmas," Spike growled, just imagining the horror.
"Sale, sale, sale," Drusilla demanded in response.
*****
At five minutes to seven, Spike pulled the car into an already nearly overflowing parking lot. His fingers clenched around the steering wheel, his eyes glaring through the blacked out window, he aimed for the nearest parking space, tuning out Drusilla's joyful babbles about all the merchandise available.
The only spaces left were on the very edge of the lot, and as he parked the car, Spike realized in dismay that he was going to be stuck shopping until the sun went down.
"I remember being here," Drusilla exclaimed as she exited the car and began strolling towards the nearest door, one arm wrapped through Spike's so she could tug him with her. "Angel and I came here with the Judge, and the nasty slayer blew him all up, and I got wet." She pouted for a moment. "I hope St. Nicholas brought her coal and switches."
"Ooooh, switches..." She grinned and leaned up to lick his ear.
Spike grunted unintelligibly and hurried her through the mall doors just as the sun broke the horizon. They were in the food court, and the enticing smell of fresh brewed coffee made his nose twitch. He tried to aim Drusilla towards a coffee bar, but she pulled him away from the food court and into the already busy mall.
"Can't I just get some coffee and the newspaper and wait for you in there, pet?"
Drusilla made a scoffing noise and yanked him into the first store.
"This is men's clothes."
As his lover turned and looked him up and down, then glanced at the first rack of brightly colored shirts, Spike began to get a big sinking feeling.
"NO."
"I'm sick of all the red and black. I think a lovely sapphire, and maybe...ooh, teal." She began pulling shirts off the rack and holding them up to him.
"No, uh uh, I have plenty of clothes."
"They're all the same," she pouted, then turned to a table covered in tailored slacks, pawing through them until she found a deep grey pair in his size.
"I am not wearing anything called 'dockers'."
Drusilla ignored him, grabbed a black banded collar shirt, and headed for the dressing rooms, Spike trailing helplessly behind her.
*****
Thirty minutes later, they exited the shop, Spike carrying a bag with two shirts and the hated pants. He'd learned long ago that arguing with Drusilla over shopping was a futile experience.
Head down, his feet dragging, he followed her into a jam- packed Banana Republic. Drusilla headed for a rack of linen blazers in every color imaginable, and pulled out a red one.
"No."
"It's red."
"I'd look like a nancy boy."
Sighing, Drusilla replaced the red one and drew out a black one.
"Where would I wear that?"
"If you think I am going to accompany you to the nasty slayer's nice mummy's gallery opening on Wednesday with you wearing *that*, you are sadly mistaken." She raked his outfit with scathing eyes, then tugged the duster down his arms. Helping him into the blazer, she eyed the fit critically, then stepped back and tapped her chin with one finger.
*****
They escaped from the crush in Banana Republic with only one bag, as the jacket needed hemming. In the bag was the stupidest looking safari hat, but since it was for Drusilla, Spike hadn't protested.
The poof's credit cards were buying all this, after all.
The next shop was more to Spike's liking--an expensive lingerie shop totally empty of customers. He took a seat just outside the dressing room and spent over ninety minutes watching Drusilla model silky, lacy bits of nothing. He didn't mind carrying that large bag.
Unfortunately, he could barely walk with the rampaging erection he'd had since she came out of the dressing room the first time, wearing a pale pink lacy teddy that barely covered her breasts.
He whispered enticements in Drusilla's ear until she finally sighed and nodded. "You've been a good boy so far..." She let him tug her down a maintenance hall and into a supply closet, where she dropped to her knees and took care of his little 'problem'.
Ten minutes later, Spike peeked his head out of the closet, determined that the coast was clear, and pulled his giggling lover back into the crush of the crowd.
"You *will* do me next," she murmured in his ear, before biting the lobe and giggling again.
"Sure, pet." Spike smiled happily and followed her into The Limited, where he happily watched her shop for two hours, and left, still happy, carrying two more large bags.
The next several stores left Drusilla unsatisfied, and by the time they entered their third shoe store, Spike's post-orgasm euphoria had worn off, and his arms were growing sore from being overloaded with bags. As Drusilla perused a pair of purple spike heeled pumps--what he silently referred to as 'fuck me shoes', he scowled at her and slumped into a chair.
"What do you think?"
"I think they look just like the pair in the last store, which looked just like the pair in the store before that."
Drusilla smirked. "Someone's happy has worn off."
Spike growled in response, and as she tried on nearly every pair of shoe in the store, dreamed up ways to torture her.
*****
Three shoe bags were added to Spike's burden, and he dragged out of the store behind Drusilla. She began to sail past the next store, but he cleared his throat, raised one eyebrow and pointed as best he could to a bench in the middle of the mallway.
As Drusilla sat and he began to unload the bags around her, she made a pouting sound. "Everything in there is tacky."
"Yeah, and fun," he replied, then told her to stay put and behave herself, before he headed into Spencers. PUshing past the hordes of teenage boys buying t-shirts with gross sayings, and posters of Brittany Spears, Spike found himself in the adult entertainment aisle, and smiled.
*****
Ten minutes later he exited the store with a small bag which he handed to Drusilla. She opened it, and her eyes widened, then she clasped it tightly in her hands, as he loaded himself back up with bags.
Fifteen minutes later Spike exited another supply closet, smacking his lips, followed by a slightly dizzy Drusilla. "I knew black cherry was your flavor, pet." She wriggled slightly as the remains of the edible panties chafed her tender flesh, then gazed at him with adoring, glazed eyes.
They found a section of lockers and paid an exorbitant amount to store their bags, then strolled hand in hand down the main corridor, stopping at various stores and making more purchases.
In Nordstroms, Spike watched as Drusilla had a make over, then sighed at the amount of the bill for her new cosmetics. "You ready for a visit from an irate daddy?" he mused as they wandered towards a juice bar to get cool drinks.
"Do you think he'll spank me?" she asked, shivering in delight.
Spike rolled his eyes and shook his head. "No, I think he'll take *me* to the woodshed."
"Daddy likes whips. Do you think there are any stores in here that sell toys like that?"
"No, I think those are relegated to the red light district."
"Well, he can just use one of our old ones. I keep them well- oiled." She gave him a brilliant smile, then shoed him into the juice bar with directions to get her something with peaches.
As they sat in companionable silence, drinking their smoothies, Spike wishing desperately that his was full of rum, annoying giggles reached his ears. Looking up, he scowled at the sight of the Slayer and the Witch bearing down on them, several bags in their hands.
"Well, Spike, this is a surprise," Buffy said. "Aren't you all...domesticated." She tried to hide her smirk, but failed, making him scowl even more and silently wish her to the deepest pit of hell.
"Ooh, you shopped at Victoria's Secret?" Willow pointed to a bag at Drusilla's feet. "My mom says that they pander to the male libido and oppress women."
"I got some lovely unmentionables," Drusilla cooed, then smiled at Spike, "and the sweetest little thong panties for my Spike."
Buffy burst into laughter and Spike snarled at her.
"The have leopard spots," Drusilla added in a conspiratorial voice to Willow.
Willow blushed, but looked very interested. "Do you think Oz would look good in leopard?"
"All men do, my dear."
"Buffy, let's leave them alone and go to Victoria's Secret." Willow grabbed her friend and tugged her away from the glowering vampire.
"No killing," Buffy called over her shoulder.
"I *am* hungry," Drusilla mused.
"No."
She pouted.
Spike glowered back. "And, I'm not wearing that ridiculous thong."
Her lip stuck out even farther and she tapped one fingernail on the table top. "Do you know why I bought five silk ties?"
"Because you're a clothes sadist?" he bit back.
"One for the opening." Her eyes narrowed and her tongue peeked out between her lips. "I thought you could find more creative uses for the other four. I think they'll coordinate very nicely with that teeny tiny pair of red lace panties I bought. You know...the ones with the convenient slit..." Her tongue licked her upper lip as she smiled sweetly.
Spike swallowed hard, glanced at his watch, cursed under his breath as it was barely two in the afternoon, silently debated on whether or not they could make it the car before they burned up, then rose and grabbed their bags.
"More shopping?" Drusilla asked innocently, rising languidly to her feet, only to grin as he grabbed her wrist and pulled her into the nearest men's clothing store. As he tugged her towards the dressing rooms, she had the sense to pick up a couple of pairs of pants for him to 'try on'.
*****
Fifteen minutes later, they emerged, straightening their clothes. Drusilla ran her fingers through her hair and cooed softly to herself as her body continued to tremble from the aftermath. Spike was actually panting.
Under the heavy glares of several salesmen, they fled the store.
"That was lovely," Drusilla mewled, leaning against him as he guided her through the crowd with one arm around her waist. Suddenly they found themselves surrounded by children, all screaming and racing around. "Ooh, appetizers."
"No."
"...Fine," she finally agreed in a put-upon voice, then looked with some interest at the shop the children were dashing in and out of. "Make your own teddy bear?" Her eyes lighting up, she turned to Spike. "Can I? Please?"
"Huh?"
"Make my own teddy bear. Look, you get the bear and you dress it and accessorize it. Maybe they have one with sharp teeth and I can make a Spike teddy."
The idea of watching Drusilla making a miniature of him all fuzzy and probably wearing a tutu or something equally horrid, was just too much for Spike, and he looked around in desperation. His eyes lit on a Camelot Music across the way. "Okay, you go make a bear, and no eating the children, Dru," he ordered, looking into her eyes until she nodded in acquiescence. "I'll go see if they have the latest Korn cd. You come get me over there in the record store when you're done." He handed her one of Angel's credit cards.
"Okay." She gave him a smacking kiss and danced into the bear store.
Toting the bags, Spike pushed through the crowd until he reached the record store. The sounds of some sappy Lilith Fair type assaulted his ears, but he couldn't help but smile at the large selection of death metal prominently displayed. As he joyfully flipped through cds, he caught a whiff of Old Spice, and looked up.
"Harris."
"Spike." The boy looked startled for a moment, then relaxed. "Drusilla drag you here?"
"Uh huh. You?"
"Anya. She's in the teddy bear store, looking for something to make a bear demonlike."
"Dru, too. Women."
"Yeah."
In companionable silence, they flipped through rack after rack of cds.
*****
Drusilla and Anya entered the store together just as the men were making their purchases. Each carried a box with their customized bears, and were chatting about the last great typhoid epidemic.
"Typhoid Mary was one of mine," Anya crowed. "She wanted to infect her unfaithful lover with the disease. It was just a bonus that so many others got it and died." She smiled up at Xander. "Did you find the Backstreet Boys for me?"
"Uh...no."
Anya's smile turned to a scowl, then she looked over at Drusilla. "Men. It's like, you send them to the store to buy tampons and midol and they come back with everything but."
Drusilla nodded knowingly, as both men sighed.
*****
A couple hours later, and two more trips to the lockers, Spike's feet were about to give out. "...And I don't even have circulation, pet," and his ears were about to burst from the noise level. They reached the far end of the mall and found themselves outside the theaters. "Oh, look, the cinema."
"Oh, Spike, can we see a moving picture? It's been so many years."
It had been three months ago, but Spike just nodded, perusing the list of movies and starting times. "Great, 'End of Days' is about to start. Arnold Schwartzenegger and the devil duke it out."
"Does the devil win?"
"I kind of doubt it."
"Then, what's the point? I want to see that one." She pointed to a poster for some sappy World War II love story flick, and Spike sighed and shook his head. "No chick flicks."
"Hateful." She pouted again, trying to wheedle him into giving in.
"No, Dru. I refuse to see anything set in mist...Oh, except for that one. How about Sleepy Hollow, luv? It's got a love story, is set in the past, and has decapitations."
Drusilla perked up and nodded eagerly. "Can I have chocolate covered peanuts?"
"Sure, why not. I could buy a chocolate covered peanut factory for the cost of one box, but..."
*****
"Ooh, that was so lovely. All that blood and heads flying. And, the lovely death in the church. Wicked, wicked, wicked."
"Johnny Depp was a bit of a ponce," Spike commented as they exited the theatre at the end of the movie. "That Ricci bird has nice tits, though."
"Spike!" Drusilla slapped his arm, giggling.
"Well, it's after sundown. Shall we go collect our packages and head home for dinner? I'm in the mood to see you in something skimpy." He gave her a lascivious look, then took her hand to pull her close as they walked down the corridor.
"Will you wear the thong?"
"...I'm sure I will," he sighed, then stopped walking and kissed her tenderly.
"I love you, Spike," she murmured, smiling sweetly.
"I love you too, my manipulative, evil, wicked black rose."
"Let's go home. I shall run a hot bath for you and massage your aching...feet."
"Sounds wonderful, Dru."
Hand in hand, they headed for the lockers, eager to get home.
End